It all went so terribly wrong! I planned, and prepared for this night for so long, and I thought he would be pleased! I suppose I suspected he might be cross with me at first, but then I thought he would see the lengths I went to, to get him special gifts. I've never seen him so angry at me! It scared me, and broke my heart into a million pieces. I can't bare when he looks at me with such disgust.

He made me tell him how it was I was able to obtain such gifts, and I told him everything. He told me that I had no right. He was brutal in the way he spoke to, and his punishment was not light. Her spat his venomous words at me, and raped me with the whip. He continued to tell me how disgusted he was with me.

He barely looked at the compass, or the pendant of the sailor's star. I didn't get to explain to him that the compass was so he would always be able to find his way home to me when he went away, or how that each of the eight points of the sailor's star pointed to the cardinal, and intermediate directions, and that the heart in the middle was mine.

After he calm down he asked If I understood why he was so outdone with me. He explained that when I let those Masters at the docks use my body for coin, that He was not the one in control, and that he wanted control over ever aspect of my life. I understand now that I am to never do anything without his knowledge again no matter how well intentioned my actions are.

I can't stop sobbing, even now as I write this I am crying. I do not think I could bare to have anyone but him touch me. I want to feel possessed by only him once again. There's a physical pain in the center of my chest, and I think it is because my heart is breaking. I just need him to forgive me. I need him to draw me into his arms, and tell me that he still loves me.