Unspoken Sensual Tension (Journal)

There is this underlying sensual tension between my Master and I that I cannot even begin to put into words. When we do not utter a single word to one another, the tension is there. When we do not even glance at one another, the tension is there. When we are in the same room, and he is conversing with another, and I am serving another, the tension is there. We know it…we feel it. Whether or not others sense it, or if it is just our little secret, I’m not sure.

I have learned when I am serving he is always watching me. Because of this I have learned to serve others as if I am serving him. I started out fighting, but no more. I am still learning to balance on that sharp blade though, to serve with just the right amount of sensuousness and obedience, but not so much that a man wants to make use of me. It is a fine line that I am made to walk for if one really wanted to use me for the night I’m not sure if my Master would say no. Bring him honor, and then return to him, that is my purpose in life, right?

Last night, after spending some time watching Mistress Ostia punish her girl mara my Master stole me away. He always makes threats to hurt me, but he never does, or at least hasn’t yet. With me he is gentle, and loving. It was another night of kissing, bodies caressing, testing how long we could go without being consumed with passion. It is as if we dance right up to the edge, and then pull back just in the nick of time. It keeps the rope tight, the tension on the surface, heated and felt. I am not sure why it is, but every time I spend time with my Master it is like the first time we have ever touched.

He told me that he was falling in love with me, and I tried to pick apart his words. I will never again do that to him. I am learning to trust him, as he is learning to trust me; trust and patience. I have a feeling that this comes hard for him, why I’m not sure. Last night I decided to give in, and take the journey with him.